Today I had the unfortunate experience of watching a trailer for an upcoming talkie called The Big Wedding. Apparently Katherine Heigl really is the patron saint of terrible romantic comedies, because this one looks incredibly, and predictably, stupid. The premise: A young couple is getting married, and one of them's parents (I forget which, and I don't hate myself enough to watch it again to find out) are divorced, and the dad is remarried. But I guess he (it was the groom-to-be's parents. I remember now) was adopted, and he has for some reason decided to invite his birth mother to the wedding.
His birth mother lives in Colombia, where she's from. Now, I'll buy that he could conceivably still maintain contact with his biological mother, and even want to invite her to his nuptials. But the fact that he would fly her all the way to another continent for it is kind of a stretch to believe. But it gets way more contrived. You see, she's very Catholic, and so she frowns very sternly upon divorce. So in order to not offend her, this young man demands that his adopted parents pretend to be still married to each other, and his stepmother has to pretend she's someone else. She could be a family friend, an aunt, a former teacher, anything- but they decide she's the waitress or something.
We all know Hollywood is out of ideas. Battleship: The Movie and Step Up 17 tipped us off. But there have to be simpler ways to come up with a bland romantic comedy with the intention of humor. Since when in the known history of mankind is a birth mother's archaic views regarding divorce more important than letting the actual parents enjoy their son's wedding like normal people? She might not like the idea of his parents being divorced and remarried, but guess what? People do that, even in Colombia, and even Catholics, so she'll get over it.
Speaking of terrible movies and Catholics, have you seen these commercials for this Mel Gibson movie that just came out? It's straight-to-DVD. Let that sink in. Mel Gibson's career has died so completely that he's the star of a movie that is going straight to DVD. Mel Gibson. Mel. Gibson. You guys.
I have to say, the Olympic Opening Ceremony in London was brilliant. It was made fun of a bunch leading up to the big day, since the rumors about what was going to happen kind of sounded ridiculous and hilarious. But they pulled it off, and it was incredible. A few of my favorite parts:
1. The industrial revolution part was kind of sad, seeing all of that wonderful green countryside get ripped up and smokestacks rise up out of the ground. But it was also really cool to watch. That part where they forged the ring that rose up to join the other four in the sky and create the Olympic rings? So cool.
2. "Abide With Me" was strangely beautiful. I didn't get exactly what they were trying to convey with the dancing, but I still thought it was great.
3. Mr. Bean. Oh my gosh. I've probably watched that part alone around 30 times. Also, the "Queen" jumping out of a helicopter and parachuting into the stadium with James Bond.
4. People complain about the seven non-Olympian kids lighting the torch, but I liked it. I thought it was very cool to see the older generations of Olympians literally pass the torch to the future competitors.
(Also, I couldn't help but think of the Hunger Games when I saw those kids.)
5. The Olympic Cauldron has to be the best cauldron I've ever seen. Breathtaking. I can't think of one more beautiful, and I love the symbolism of a whole bunch of smaller flames joining together to burn in unity as one flame. I hear there's one bronze petal for each participating nation, and each country gets to take theirs home once the games are over.
