Get Over It.

The 2009 Holy War was one for the TiVo. It was exactly the kind of game a huge rivalry should be. Granted, I loved it so much because my team won, but before the game was over, I was already thinking to myself how good a game it was, and even if we lost, I'd still think so. I think both teams did a lot of really good ball playing, and if Utah had won, I would have congratulated them.
By now we have all heard what Max Hall said after the game. It's going to go down as one of the famous rivalry quotes, and it will light a fire under the Utes for years.

"I don't like Utah. In fact, I hate them. I hate everything about them. I hate their program, their fans. I hate everything," Hall said. "It felt really good to send those guys home."
"I think the whole university and their fans and the organization is classless," Hall said. "They threw beer on my family and stuff last year and did a whole bunch of nasty things. I don't respect them and they deserved to lose."

A lot of people see this as a classless thing to say itself. It's unsportsmanlike to say those kinds of things. Hall is showing that he isn't a good winner, and he can't be gracious about it.
While I do agree in part with those observations, I feel we should still give him a bit of a break. Let's be honest, who among us wouldn't feel that way if our family had been treated that way? While it was probably a mistake to say those kinds of things, I hope at least it will show people what kinds of jerks you can find wearing crimson in Salt Lake. Hall was classless, but those fans were worse.
The Intergoogles are lighting up with all kinds of anti-BYU and anti-Max Hall chatter from bitter Utah fans. His comments are the very definition of adding insult to injury, and he won't be forgiven any time soon. But people need to chill out a little bit, take a breath, and understand a few important and absolute truths.

1. Football fans are jerks. No matter where you go, you will find people in any stadium that give their programs a bad name, both on the field and in the stands. Utah has insufferable, whiny, bitter fans. So does BYU. BYU has players who are unkind and unsportsmanlike. So does Utah.













Get over it.

2. A rivalry game like the Holy War will always be intense. In a lot of cases, the game will be really close, even if one team is supposed to be a huge underdog. You can make excuses, blame it on the refs or injuries, but the fact is, one team will win, the other will lose. Accept it and prepare for the next year.

3. Winning does not make you better than the other team. Neither does losing.

4. Not all fans are jerks. In fact, most of them aren't. I like to think that I'm a sportsmanlike, level-headed BYU fan. I have huge respect for Utah for last year's season. The same goes for TCU this year. I have good friends who are Utah fans. We trash talk and stuff, but we're still friends. Nobody - not Max Hall, not Utah fans, not anybody - should hate an entire school and every person near it based on one comment or incident.

Probably my biggest problem with Hall's comments is that it's going to give next year's Utah team a lot of fire that will make the game much harder for the Cougars to win, especially at Rice-Eccles.

Yeah, Max Hall was out of line. No, he doesn't speak for us all. Yes, some people deserved some of what he said. No, not everyone at the U deserved it.

Get over it.

Just Passing Through... For a Few Years

I've figured it out.

Just two days ago, I was thinking about why I'm so unsatisfied. Why I find myself so unhappy where I am. I came to realize something that I haven't really seen for all this time. I have never enjoyed being here in Provo. In the nearly three and a half years since coming home from my mission plus my freshman year before it, I cannot recall a single time when I was glad I lived in Provo and went to BYU.

Don't get me wrong- I've had good experiences. It isn't like I've hated every moment of every day here. I've taken some great classes, had good times, enjoyed going to things like football games and stuff. But as a whole, I can't say I've ever actually liked being here.

And then today I reached another startling conclusion that might make it more clear. I feel like a visitor. Sure, I know people I can call my friends, but every time I see them, it's because I'm the one visiting them. I go see some of my friends at their work, and that's the only place I ever see them. Others I work with, and I hang out with them at work, and that's just about it. Even my best friends from high school- I almost exclusively only ever see them when I'm the one stopping by their place to see what they're up to.

I don't blame anyone for this, and I don't want anyone to think I'm criticizing anybody. I'm just making an observation. All of my relationships involve me visiting others. I pass through, you could say. And similarly, I hold the same sentiment towards BYU and Provo. This is not where I belong. It isn't a fit for me. Trouble is, what do I do? I don't know where I do fit. I'd love to go somewhere else, and I've been researching other schools and places to live just about every day for the past few weeks. But pretty much every option I look at has significant issues and obstacles that would be really hard to overcome. Virginia Tech and UVA don't have the kinds of programs I want. Schools in England are too expensive, as is the whole process of getting over there and simply living there. Schools in other states are unbelievably expensive for non-residents. There was one school I looked at- Tuition for an in-state resident was something like $6,000. For a non-resident it was $26,000. How in the world do you justify charging TWENTY THOUSAND more dollars just because a person isn't a resident of your state? What more does it cost the university?

Anyway, I'm convinced I've pretty well determined the problem. There's a lot more detail that goes into it, but this is the broad view of it. Now I have to figure out what the solution is. And I have no idea where to start.

The Excitement of Monotony

Ever have those times when someone says something that makes you dizzy from the level of immense stupidity of their logic? The other day I came across this delicious little morsel (http://msn.foxsports.com/mlb/story/10263372/As-Phillips-falls-from-grace,-we-need-to-change-rules), an article that calls upon the reformation of the "antiquated system" of monogamy. The author insists that the recent development of gender equality and other societal norms have rendered it outdated. "Only humans are dumb enough to place such importance on sexual monogamy. It's unnatural. It's emotionally crippling. It destroys families." Um, pardon? Staying faithful to your spouse is what destroys families? One of my favorite parts of the article is right at the end, where he assigns levels of sexual infidelity as rewards corresponding to income earned. If a man earns between $250K and $500K a year, he should get certain privileges with other women. $500K to a million, and those privileges are extended. Over a million a year, and he should "come and go as he damn well pleases."

It's ironic that the author refers to gender equality and societal advances as justification for his ideas when he's so unabashedly sexist. "I should be allowed to sleep around as much as I want because I'm the man, and I bring in the money." I don't think he actually realizes how sexist he is; It's more likely that he's just an idiot.

I'd been thinking on this subject for a while, actually. (You mean you've been thinking about sex? What else is new, am I right fellas?) (Shut up.) I've noticed how there seem to be more and more people these days who not only feel no remorse when it comes to infidelity, but actually try to justify it and claim that it's only natural. "Marriage is an archaic and oppressive institution," says Matthew McConaughey in the film "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past." (I haven't seen the movie, but I saw that scene on a talk show a while back.) Granted, his character is given such sentiments to illustrate the story's lesson to the contrary, but there are people who truly believe that. If you don't feel like you should ever get married, then fine, that's your decision. But why would anyone deride it as something that weakens people and ultimately makes them unhappy, when it remains a thing that most people yearn for their whole lives? What is it about committing oneself to another person for the rest of their life (and eternity, for those of us that are into that kind of thing)?

When you really look at what led these people to such a sentiment, it isn't really that surprising. We live in a society that tells us that it is ok to be sexually active before marriage. This is a belief that some will even fiercely defend as a right that everyone has. They see abstinence as unnatural and oppressive. We are made to have sex, so how could having sex possibly be wrong? Some people, usually deeply religious people, strive to keep a standard of abstinence. They are sharply criticized and frequently attacked for being backward prudes. For everyone else, sex in a relationship is not only acceptable, but expected. If a couple has been together for a few weeks and still haven't slept together, people wonder what is wrong. Over a month without sex, and their friends start to urge them to break up. How can they really be in love if they won't have sex? I hear people all the time saying that sex is as important as breathing. Even if you aren't in a relationship, sex should still be happening. College students are the most notorious for going out on weekends with no objective other than to get into someone's pants. Entire movies have been dedicated to the goal of a one night stand.

So take someone who has been living their whole young lives with this kind of a lifestyle, then tell them that as soon as they put a ring on their finger, they can only have physical relations with one person. Since high school they've been pressured to get out there and be with whoever they can get, and now they have to keep it in their pants but for one person. Is it really a shock that a society like that has eventually led to this new logic of "natural infidelity"?

I couldn't believe how forgiving people were of Bill Clinton when he cheated on his wife with an intern. They said that we should leave his personal life alone. I get that his relationship with his wife is indeed a personal matter that does not concern the rest of us, but I felt that it said a lot about the kind of person he was. Cheating, to me, is a serious matter, and I was irate at how lightly it was treated by so many others in America.

I feel that you're less of a man if you cheat on your wife. Or your girlfriend, for that matter. If you are in an exclusive relationship, that means you have committed to that person, and that person only. That's kind of what "exclusive" means. If you're not comfortable with that, then don't enter the relationship. Nobody is forcing you to get married. I get the feeling that people like Jason Whitlock, the author of the article I mentioned, get married because they want the emotional benefits of being in a loving relationship, but when their spouse asks them to reserve a part of themselves only for them - How DARE they? - they get all in a snit and say they shouldn't have to. The reason he's not allowed to cheat on his wife is not because society says it's not ok. He can't cheat because his wife doesn't want him to. Every time he decides to be with another woman, he risks his relationship with his wife. He jeopardizes her emotional stability. Cheating isn't bad because society will look down on you. It's bad because it hurts your wife. And I know you care about whether your wife is in pain or not, because if you didn't, you wouldn't have married her.

Upon perusal of the comments to the article, I notice that some insist Whitlock's sentiments are meant as satire. It doesn't feel like it, but even if it is, it still reflects an idea that has begun to sprout in our culture. I challenge men everywhere to grow up and learn what it is to be a real man, which is to put others before yourself.

The Effys!

So I've done 16 weeks of EFY as a counselor. Here's a list of some of the bests and worsts of those 16 weeks. I'll probably come up with some more eventually.

Keep in mind, dudes and dudettes: I'm not giving any awards for best company or hottest counselors or anything. That would do nothing but make people who didn't win feel bad. You won't be getting me to designate some favorite company or co-counselors, because they were all awesome. Really. I love all of my youth and co-counselors like my own family, and I don't regret knowing a single one of them.

THE EFY AWARDS

Best Variety Show- Ypsilanti '09/Mansfield '09

It's difficult to pick exactly which one of these shows was more epic. Ypsilanti had Napoleon Dynamite, a wicked violinist, and a sweet musical skit about missionaries. It also had a guy with a hole in his lung playing the piano. The hole wasn't part of the act. We found out about that later. But still. Hard. Core. Mansfield had whips, a song about toast, and a full on rock band. And not the video game kind. The real deal. I might have to give a slight edge to Mansfield since literally half of the show was my group. Of course, there have been a lot of pretty A+ shows, but these two stand high above them all.

Lamest Variety Show- Provo 2B '09
Seriously guys, this was probably the most unexpected letdown. There were what, 700 kids at that session? By way of statistical probability, it should have been a cooler show than any others I've been to. But for some reason, a large portion of the acts were really lame. I actually fell asleep for part of it. Not that all of it was bad, there were some really good parts, like the song from You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown and the Taylor Swift dance number. (Don't judge me. You would understand if you had been there.) But the bulk of the show was lame guitar songs. Picture an hour of amateurs playing Plain White T's. That's the Provo 2B Variety Show 2009.

Best Dining Hall- Plymouth State University, Plymouth, NH
They had a guy who would make any sandwich you could come up with. You could have it toasted if you wanted, and there were tons of kinds of meat, cheese, bread, and fixins. Best pastrami I've ever had. They also had pizza at just about every meal, pasta, salad, and several entrees that changed every meal. To top it all off, the staff were the coolest ladies ever. They weren't just friendly- we joked around and had great conversations all the time. They were genuine. Legit, Holmes. I do mark the dining hall down for the napkin setup, though. Napkins were only found in these tall dispensers at the doorways to the dining area, so if you needed one while you were eating, you had to get up and walk across the room. There was, however, a little basket on every table with ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise and relish. Thank goodness for that. I can't count the number of times I've been eating, and then all of a sudden I was like, “MUSTARD! MUSTARD! SOMEONE HAND ME SOME MUSTARD, I NEED SOME RIGHT NOW!”

Lamest Dining Hall- Brigham Young University, Provo, UT
This probably comes due to the assembly line nature of Provo sessions. They have so many friggin youths at a time that lunches have to just be a sandwich, chips, and a bottle of water while you sit on the grass outside. I don't blame them for it, but it still sucks.

Best Dorms- Grand Canyon University, Phoenix, AZ
Here you have a quaint little suite. Two bedrooms with a little living room in the middle. Nothing super fancy, but as far as dorms go, it was pretty nice. I didn't like the hallway setup, though. Each wing was one looooong hallway that turned a couple of times so the whole building looked kind of like a huge, angular 3. The only entrances were in the lobby in the middle and at the very end of each hall. Well, we were only allowed to use the lobby entrances. The ones on the end were STRICTLY in case of fire ONLY. Guess where my room was.

Worst Dorms- Eastern Michigan University, Ypsilanti, MI
Cold, bare floors, shared bathrooms and metal doors. The doors wouldn't have been so bad, except that I could only get a wireless signal if my door was open. You couldn't get a signal in your room if the door was closed. In a dormitory.

Coolest Campus Staff- Plymouth State University, Plymouth, NH
Again, this is because of the ladies in the dining hall. And the sandwich guy. The other staff we worked with were pretty cool too, including a student who was the only Mormon that went to that school, so she helped us all week.

Nicest Campus- Eckerd College, St. Petersburg, FL
It's really no surprise that so many people like to vacation in Florida. This campus sits right on the coast at Tampa Bay, and it's full of the coolest trees and stuff. Even the storms were cool. As we had our games night on a soccer field next to the beach, this crazy intense storm worked its way across the bay towards us. It looked like something out of the apocalypse. I was expecting some giant spaceship to burst out of it. We could have died from all the lightning, but it was cool to look at.














I also saw this cool spider.

















Lamest Campus- Mansfield University, Mansfield, PA
Every desk in the lecture halls was covered in graffiti. So were the bathroom stalls. It was like a reform school for idiots. The buildings were unimpressive, and the dorm was at the bottom of this relentless hill, so we had to climb it several times a friggin day.

Coolest Non-Company Youth- Plymouth 02 '09
This might have something to do with the small size of the session. Since there were so few of us, it was easy to get to know a lot of other people. Really cool kids.

9/11

I wrote this back in '01 after September 11th. It's pretty lame, but I ain't no friggin poet, so back off.

Thanks to Dirk for digging this up.

10
Friends smile
Hearts swell
People laugh
All is well
Twilight deepens
Souls part
Eyelids droop
Thankful heart.

11
Dawn rekindles
All the same
Then comes evil
Bathed in flame
The sky darkens
Earth shakes
Roars of thunder
Hell breaks
Faces blanch
Tears escape
Death is sent
On wings of hate
Heroes born
Victims blessed
Heroes die
To save the rest.

12
Storm ends
World cries
Dust clears
Empty skies
A broken people
Fallen nation
Such is Satan's
Great expectation
His plot had failed
The aftermath
Has now set forth
A nation's wrath
Choked with tears
A changed forever
A grief-torn people
Come together
None shall forget
One tragic day
Standing as one
Together we say:
We will live on
We will fight
We will win
God is with us.

My Trip Home in Tweets (Or, What That Would Look Like If I Used Twitter)

Finally, I've made it to the airport. I can get going home and relax for a day or two before I have to go back to work.


Great, there's a huge line to check in. Oh well, there are worse tragedies in life.


What? Our flight is canceled? The freak am I supposed to do now? I assume they'll just put me on the next available route out


Look lady, it's a simple rule of etiquette. It's not even about etiquette, it's just common sense. First graders understand it. I was in line first, therefore I am ahead of you. It is meant to stay that way. So stop trying to inch your way in front of me and stand so that you're turned slightly away from me so you don't have to look me in the eye.


We just turned the corner into the narrower, roped off part of the line. I won.


What's that? The next available itinerary is tomorrow at 5pm? Oh, there's a few earlier? Yeah, let's try to do that. As much as I love your airport, I'd rather leave it sooner than later. Ok, 6:15am. Just great. I love sitting around longer than I need to. Oh, no, of course it's “Not Your Fault”, so don't bother putting me in a hotel for the night. I enjoy sporadic sleep on tile floors.


You say you can give me a discounted hotel room? For only $89? YOU'RE A SAINT, DELTA AIRLINES!!! ONLY $89!!! I HAVE AN EXCUSE TO EAT NOTHING BUT RICE AND WATER FOR THE NEXT FEW WEEKS!!!



Oh, you might be able to get a room at the Holiday Inn for me for $50? Yeah, that might be better... I still can't afford it, so I will see you in Hades.


Sweet! I can't check in until 4am! I love carrying all my stuff around the airport lobby!


I guess I could sleep on these couch-like things here. Except I wouldn't get much sleep because I'd be afraid of people stealing my bags. Maybe I should just get the hotel room. $50 isn't that much, I guess.


Yes, I was told earlier I could get a hotel room? Yes, $89 was what they told me, but they said they could get me one for $50? Oh, $65? Yeah, that's not exactly the same as $50. Fine, what's $15 more? I get a bed to sleep in.


Wow, the shuttle guy got here fast. That's handy.


Just checked in at the hotel. Yeah, the Delta people gave me a voucher, telling me it would be $65. I get there, and the girl at the front desk tells me it's $85. Um, no, they told me it was going to be $65. Oh, that's a mechanical problem discount, not a weather discount, which is the voucher they gave me. So they lied to my face as they handed me the voucher that made the price $85.


I don't care how great the deal still is. I still can't afford it. I would not be here in your hotel lobby if the price was going to be $85.


Whatever, I'll just pay it now and yell at the Delta people in the morning.


What's so friggin great about this room? I can get one just as nice for $50 just about anywhere. The regular price for this one is almost three times that.


At least I can do laundry. I hadn't gotten a chance before I left, and I was kinda laughing at the idea of security going through my bag with all those dirty clothes. But it's probably better this way.


Good thing there's a grocery store nearby. I got a rotisserie chicken for dinner.


This store has chocolate soda. The brand is Waist Watchers, and the flavor is Diet Chocolate Fudge. Do they really need to make something chocolate fudge flavored to make fat people buy it? It's soda, people.


I got a rewards card at the store so I could save $2.26. Totally worth it.


Oh good, I apparently forgot to actually push the Start button on the dryer. The “Machine Operating” light was on, so I assumed it was, you know, operating. So when I go back an hour and a half later, imagine my surprise when my clothes are still wet and my dollar is gone.


Why did I have them send the shuttle at 4:00? I don't need to be at the airport until like 5. I'll call them and have them change the time for my ride to come at 4:30. That way I get 3 hours of sleep instead of 2 ½!


I really don't get why I'm staying up so late. Sure, I had to do laundry, but I could have been in bed by 10. I'm kind of an idiot. Some of you people didn't help by chatting with me on facebook. You jerks. How dare you be my friends.


I have to brush my teeth in the bathtub because the sink is full of ice. It's keeping my yogurt chilled for breakfast.


Well, I'm on my way again. Hopefully the storm last night won't make them cancel my flight again.


Great, it's a huge line again. Why the heck is there a line like this at 5am?


Looks like I'll have to eat breakfast in line. Yogurt with “Just Bunches”. The people in line next to me might think I'm weird for eating this in line, but I don't care.


Ah, it's my turn. I have words for you, Miss Delta Girl Who Had Nothing to Do With Last Night's Shady Shenanigans.


I told her the situation, calmly, but with a tone of irritation. Do you ever hear someone say something really stupid, so you sort of repeat it back to them a little bit slower? “You'll give me free breakfast in the airport?” I said. After I said that, she also offered to waive my baggage check fee, which was $20. Yeah, that might be a bit better, since that's exactly the amount I was out because of you jerks. I accepted, and she was like, “Do we feel better now?” Yes, and I appreciate the condescending tone. Is that free, too?


I got my voucher for my “free breakfast.” $5. What the freak kind of breakfast costs $5? Especially at an airport? Friggin good thing they waived my baggage fee as well.


Awesome, another long line for security checks. Good thing I have a whole 30 minutes before my flight leaves. That gives me just enough time to rush over to my gate, which is so fun.


I know a million people have said it before, including me, but crocs are stupid. I have no respect for a man wearing crocs.


The freak?! I don't have a boarding pass? What the heck did that check-in lady give me?? Oh, she just checked my bag, gave me a baggage claim thing, $5 breakfast voucher, and handed me back my little itinerary card thingy. Goodie, I get to go back downstairs and check in again!


The line is even longer than before. I will miss my flight.


There's one of those self check in kiosks open for some reason. I'll use that. I didn't notice it since it's across the way, but the lady at the desk pointed it out to us. I think it's because she saw me waiting right there next to the line so I could go talk to her. She must have realized that she didn't give me a boarding pass and didn't want to deal with me again.


Um, here's the part where you print my boarding pass, kiosk. That's kind of why I came over here.


Ok, I guess I'll do the check in thing again. Finally.


I get to go through the whole line for security again! Hooray!


My iPod has been 5 weeks without a charger, and the little light is still green when I turn it on. Take that, al Qaeda.


I hope they don't have a problem with the “Just Bunches” in my backpack. There was still half a box left, and I didn't want to just throw it away. I don't see why they would have a problem, but this is airport security we're talking about here.


Do we have to take off our shoes entirely because of the Shoe Bomber? Did one guy get through with a little bomb in his shoe, now we all have to put our shoes through the X-ray?


It would kind of be awesome if some terrorist developed a weapon that was only detectable when the user did a sexy dance. Then we'd all be doing sexy dances at airport security. That would be awesome.


People are so stupid. People are so stupid. I hate people so much right now.


I got my “breakfast”. An orange juice and a water at Sbarro, which is the only place open right now. I don't really need them, but I want to make Delta pay the $5 anyway.


HOW THE FREAK DID I GET JOHN ARCHBOLD'S BOARDING PASS?? WHERE IS MY BOARDING PASS???


Ok, it's not this John Archbold's boarding pass, it's his receipt that looks like a boarding pass. And here is my pass. I still have no idea how I got it.


I'm listening to “My Humps” as I go down the breezeway to the plane. The Black Eyed Peas are kind of stupid.


Some family wasn't comfortable with the responsibilities associated with sitting in an exit row, so they switched with our row. LEG ROOM! There is a God!


One flight down, two to go. I was just in this airport... Five weeks ago...


Great Ledger's Ghost! Detroit's airport has all the gates in one straight line that's like ten miles long! It took me ten minutes to get from gate 20 to 30! I need to get to 70!


Ok, there's apparently a train upstairs, but how do I get to it?


Thanks heavens I got on the train. I would have missed my flight if I hadn't. Those Jetson's walkway thingies just aren't enough.


Sometimes I wish we lived in a world where you could yell out “CHANGE PLACES!” like the Mad Hatter and everyone would get up and frantically run around and sit in a different spot.


I'm really hungry, but I don't have time to stop anywhere. There's a Chili's Too over there. Why the “Too”? There's like a million Chili'ses out there. It's not like we need to be informed that you are also the same restaurant as that other one you went to that one time in Massachussetts. We know it's a nationwide chain.


One time, when I was little, Dad called it Chiji's, probably because the h and the l connect at the bottom, so the l kinda looks like it's supposed to be a j. I'm sure he meant it as a joke, but it threw me off for years.


Two down, one to go. I went to turn my phone back on when they said it was ok, and it was already on. Oops.


Just landed in Salt Lake. Waiting to get off the plane. That old guy standing in the aisle a way up looks like a younger guy in a disguise. Full head of white hair, baseball cap, glasses, and bushy white moustache. I call shenanigans.


Ok, why is there a Salt Lake City Airport network if it's “Local Only”? What is the point of that? How do they expect people to connect to the internet if there isn't an actual connection on their network? And if they don't have it there so people can connect to the internet, why does it exist?


The luggage from my flight is taking a long time to get up to the carousel... I've been sitting here for 45 minutes. Could it be that my trip is about to get EVEN BETTER?!


What do you know, Northwest is, for some reason, sending my bag to Dallas real quick before it gets back here in Salt Lake. They'll deliver it to me when it gets here. Good thing nothing urgently important is in there. Besides my Ghostbusters belt buckle, that is.

Video of the Recentness!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFQkMAPVoIo